Wrinkly Bits
A Blog by Gail Cushman and Cowboy Bob
A Wedding to Remember
It’s been a week, but we are almost back to normal. We were gone for eight days, staying at a VRBO in Anchorage for four nights along with a gaggle of post-teens who were bottomless pits, as far as food, drink, and energy. And believe me, supplying food and drink was a full-time job. I had forgotten about their voracious appetites and ability to down food and drink non-stop.
For example, Cowboy Bob was Breakfast Bacon Master and fried up three pounds of bacon each morning, which disappeared like a poof of smoke. Three mornings, nine pounds of bacon. Son-in-Law Chris served as Toast Master and pushed the toaster buttons until his fingers were raw, nearly bleeding. Daughter Elizabeth was pancake flipper extraordinaire, and son Cole poured OJ while daughter-in-law Pam rousted young’uns from their sleep and dealt plates to fill up.
First there was the axe-throwing. Apparently, axe-throwing is an Alaska deal, and I heard rumors of being introduced to some new-fangled hunting weaponry the next night and wondered if naked grizzly bear hunting was on the agenda, one never knows in Alaska. Anyway, back to the axes. I never expected a pre-wedding activity to be axe throwing. I had never thrown an axe before, (why would I?) but some of these folks had and everyone wanted to prove their prowess. It all started when the watchful attendant showed us how to throw. That would have been fine, but I was dead-center in her aim. Luckily, she aimed, but didn’t throw. The twenty young’uns (under twenty-five years) were all throwing at the same time, and it was all I could do to swivel my head to keep them all in my line of sight watching for neon axes headed my way. I wondered what games the next night might hold. My daughter saw my angst and made a trip to the liquor store for wine. Cabernet solves angst.
Each of the bride and groom’s families had specific tasks to perform before the wedding. I, the matriarch, of course, was exempt and sat quietly with a coffee cup, now and then telling someone to refill it, repeating, “Mmm.” Cowboy Bob, who has a few OCD tendencies, decided that the tablecloths were too wrinkly and found an iron to straighten them out. Unfortunately, they were already on the tables with the place settings in place, but it was a sight watching him dodging plates as he ironed the linen. The bride’s family wanted to re-label these cute little water bottles, so they read, “N and R are in love.” Someone, a non-OCD person, had already re-labeled them but mis-aligned the labels. Off went Cowboy Bob with the scotch tape, shaking his cowboy hat, saying, “This kind of sloppiness and disregard is a hell of a note.” (I could have warned them of his OCD issues, as he makes the bed before I get out of it. At least I don’t have to make the bed if I just slither out of the covers.) He finished the labels just in time and was satisfied that the marriage was saved.
The wedding was a “dry” wedding with no alcohol being served, but three Marine Corps groomsmen, a couple of young pilots, plus six bride’s maids, and a dozen flasks of all sizes filled the void. Did you know that you can buy a flask that holds a gallon of liquid? The bride’s family were forced to take out a loan as they took on the responsibility of feeding these twenty emaciated urchins. Soon the Marines and bride’s maids were cutting loose, doing dances I had never seen before, such as the funky chicken with a chicken leg in one hand and a plate of spaghetti in the other to “music” I had never before heard. I was looking for a jitter bug and Cowboy was ready to do the Texas two-step, but when they didn’t appear, he requested Unchained Melody, and in seconds the old folks filled the dance floor (the only time it was filled).
By the way, the wedding was lovely, and we had a lot of fun. Of course, the bride was beautiful, and the groom looked handsome in his Marine Corps dress blues, and we wish them well.
If you enjoy Wrinkly Bits, please share. All her books and blogs can be found on her website gailcushman.com
